Can I not like you for awhile?
by 2162008
Summary: Ashley, Spencer and a whole lot of twists! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

First of all I would like to say that I'm new at this... so I really would like honest feedback. Let me know if I suck! I need to hear it if it's true. Ok, so I started thinking of this story a little while back. My only problem is starting. That's the hardest part of writing, finding the beginning.

This story incorporates a lot of my own personal life as well as SON. I guess we'll just see where it goes! Oh and feedback is much appreciated if I didn't already say that 

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for the computer I'm using to type this.

**Chapter 1: The Background**

I guess I've always known. I mean how can someone go their whole life without knowing what their true sexuality is? I just never wanted to admit it to myself. Maybe that's why I'm 21 years old with a loser boyfriend who thinks I want to marry him someday. Yeah, that's just great.

"For the last time Aiden, I don't want to just stay home and watch some stupid hockey game! I don't know why we never actually _do_ anything anymore." I am so freaking bored. It's a Saturday afternoon and my boyfriend, Aiden, won't get off the couch.

"Ash, seriously. I just want to watch the game. We can like do something later, you know like in bed."

"Ok, um no! I can't believe that's all you ever think about. I am so going home. Call me later if you want."

"Yeah whatever, bye Ash."

And that is how our days have been going lately. We started dating about 2 years ago and I thought he was like the perfect boyfriend. We used to go out with friends or go the dinner and a movie, but now… all he ever wants to do is stay home, eat, watch sports, and have sex. I'm so not into any of those things with him. I know that sounds really weird because I mean he is my boyfriend and I'm supposed to be into him. But the problem is, I'm not.

When we started dating I wasn't sure what I wanted in life. I had been jumping around from guy to guy and I was tired of it. I knew that I wanted a stable relationship, but I didn't know who I wanted it with.

Problem: I had this friend, Lindsay. We were totally inseparable. And I was totally falling for her. But I could not be gay. Not possible. I had to find a way to distract myself from loving her.

Solution: Find guy. That's when I found Aiden. I met him at the mall of all places. He was eating. Now there's a big surprise. I struck up a conversation because I thought he was somewhat attractive and he asked me out. We've been together for 2 years now. As for Lindsay, well we were best of friends for years so that didn't stop when I found my Aiden, but it did make things different. We cut way back on the long weekends at each others houses and slowly but surely lost touch. Now in my second year of college I don't even talk to her anymore. Man do I regret that, but I hope to see her again someday. I still think about her all the time.

"Hey Ky, you doing anything tonight?" On my walk from Aiden's place I decide to call my roommate Kyla.

"Well I think we're going to go out later tonight if you want to join. What happened to Aiden?"

"Oh, you know the usual. He's just getting on my nerves and I can't stand it anymore. I don't know Ky… I think I might have to break up with him." I actually said it. Oh my god I can't believe I finally verbalized my true feelings about this.

"Wow Ashley, are you sure about this? If you are then we need some serious convo time before we hit the club." Kyla is way too into the club scene, but hey I love her anyways.

"Yeah ok, I should be back really soon. I think I'm going to stop at the coffee shop first though, do you want me to pick anything up for you?"

"You mean other than a hot guy? No I don't want coffee… too bitter."

"Alright freak, I'll see you soon!" I stopped at the local coffee shop to pick up a vanilla latte when I caught a glimpse of the most amazing thing I've ever seen. She was amazing and couldn't stop staring.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I'm just going to go with chapter 2… let me know what you think! Oh, you may want to quick download two songs by The Doors that I put with this chapter. I like to put music to certain things so be prepared!

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of SON and I regret it every time I think about it

**Chapter 2: Provocative and Talkative? **

I had just opened the door of the coffee shop when I noticed her by the counter. I've never been one to be struck with lust at first sight, but this girl had everything. She was beautiful beyond all measures and I couldn't stop staring. Finally I snapped to when I heard someone calling my name.

"Ashley! Hey, Ashley!" I heard a familiar voice from behind the counter as I turned around.

"Oh hi Alex! I didn't know that you were working today. I haven't seen you in a long time." Alex was a friend I made the very first week of moving to college. She was one of those friends who would tell it like it is every time no matter what you would think about it. I loved her for that because without her I probably would have gotten myself into a lot more trouble if she weren't around.

"What can I get for you today my dear friend?" She knows what I drink, the same thing every time I come here, but she insists on asking.

"Oh you know, I think I'll shake it up and get a vanilla latte no whip." As I was chatting with Alex I kept looking over to the corner of the bar where _she_ was sitting. I think Alex noticed when she said:

"Hey, earth to Ashley! Get over yourself and take the coffee! You see something over there that you like or what?" Always so blunt and I hated it, but I loved it at the same time.

"What? Oh no just off in my own little world. Hey are you doing anything tonight? Kyla wants to go out to a new club and I don't want to get stuck by myself again after she goes home with some random guy."

"Yeah I'll go, but only if you suck it up and go talk to that girl. Seriously Ash, you can't hide this forever." Alex is the only person I've trusted with my secret. She knows all about Lindsay, the girl that got away. And even about my slight hatred of Aiden and men in general.

"What am I supposed to do Al? HUH?! I can't just go up and be like 'so you wanna like go out'? That would come across so bad! And besides I'm still with Aiden. I can't just do that." I may be pissed at him, but I'm not a cheater. At least I don't want to be.

"Yeah well, no one ever said you had to ask her out. You could at least go and talk to her. Ask her to go out with us tonight. I bet she'd say yes. She looks pretty laid back. Here, give her this. She likes dark roast coffee."

So I head off to where _she _was sitting with my latte in one hand and a shot of dark roast espresso in the other. I feel like such a loser. This is so not me. Whatever, I'm going to do it! I'm going to talk to a girl! Wow I am so lame… I have been spending way too much time with Aiden.

"Um, hey. I hear you like dark roast?" My god I sound like such a freak. I should just turn around and run. Yeah that's what I'll do. I'll throw that coffee at her and sprint. I am a pretty fast runner. I could make it out of here in 2 seconds and never look back. Except that she's so pretty. Those eyes, damn they are so blue.

"Yeah I do actually. Did Alex convince you that I need more caffeine? Because I told her that I need to cut back." She sounds even better than she looks. No wait, I take that back. Her looks are just intensified by the voice. Damn it I need to get a grip.

"Well Alex told me to bring this to you, but I had no idea about the caffeine fix. Do you come here a lot? I don't think I've ever seen you around." Ok starting to sound a little more normal. Stop freaking out. It's just a person… a very hot person, but still just a person.

"I usually come once or twice a week, but with finals around the corner I've been making it almost a daily occurrence. I think I've seen you here though before. At least you look familiar. Wait, did you have political science with Prof. Peterson last semester?"

Think Ashley, think! You had classes last semester now what were they. Oh yeah! "Yeah actually I did! You were in that class? I don't really remember much from it because I can't lie; I slept through most of the lectures."

"Oh yeah, you were the girl in the back with the ipod! I always envied how you could just tune everything out and relax in the middle of a poli sci lecture!" It's all coming back to me now. I do kind of remember a blonde sitting in the front row, but that was during the time when I was hard core into The Doors and couldn't make it through a lecture without listening to LA Woman ten times over.

"Ha… yeah well, you may have envied me at the time but I can guarantee you would not envy my final grade. I kind of just barely passed, but I know LA Woman by heart. Which is helpful in more situations, I think!" Now I'm getting to be more of my normal self. I can relax a little more. Maybe I will ask her if she wants to go to the club with us tonight. It couldn't hurt, could it?

"Well you could maybe get me a copy of that sometime. I'm not familiar with that song, but my music background isn't very extensive. I was always more of the listen to what ever is on the radio kind of girl." Fuck it, I'm going to ask… I'm going to ask, but wait what the hell is her name?!

"Yeah I can definitely get you a copy. The Doors are just about one of the best bands ever! But hey, I totally spaced out and didn't even get your name."

"Oh yeah, it's Spencer. Spencer Carlin." She said as she took my hand in a nice firm, but gentle shake.

"Ashley Davies. Spencer, you have plans for tonight? Some of my friends are going out to a new club… Alex is going, you should come too." I think I'm shaking her hand too long. Ok I just let go and she's contemplating the question. My nerves are shot at this point and I'm just trying to zone out into a song. Oh come on! You're always on top of the game on finding the perfect song selection for a moment. While she's checking her cell I can hear Hello, I Love You by The Doors playing in my head. _Hello, I love you won't you tell me your name, Hello I love you won't you let me jump in your game_.

"Yeah that sounds cool. Sorry I just had to check my schedule. But yeah, I'd love to go. Where should I meet you?" My heart stops and I can't even remember where I live.

"You can meet me at my apartment before we head out. That way we can all go together and not get chased by lame guys looking for a date." And with that I scribble my number and address down on a napkin and hand it over to Spencer. I'm so excited I can barely breathe. We say our goodbyes and I leave the shop. I'm on cloud nine as I stroll home to my apartment. Crap! What the hell am I going to wear tonight! I need to get home and raid Kyla's closet.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews! I was really excited that someone actually read what I wrote. It means a lot to me  Ok so anyways, I just wanted to let you know that there is no need to worry about the whole Ashley/Aiden relationship. There will be a major break through with that coming very soon. She just has the get up the nerve to do it.

Disclaimer: I do not own SON and sadly, I never will

**Chapter 3: The Bold and the Beautiful**

I was almost running by the time I broke through our apartment door.

"Whoa slow down cowgirl! Club isn't till like 9 tonight and if you hadn't noticed its only 5." Thank you for stating the obvious Kyla.

"Yeah I know that moron, but I need your help to get ready. I talked to Alex and she's coming along with another girl I met at the coffee place." I think I might have been sweating or something because Kyla looked slightly disgusted and very concerned.

"Ok what's the big deal with that? Alex and you have been tight since day one. You're nervous that she's coming out with us tonight?" Put the pieces together Kyla, come on don't make me tell you that I'm totally crushing on a girl. But no, she doesn't connect the dots and is just staring at me all confused like.

"No Ky, I'm not nervous about Alex coming along. It's the other girl that I met. I'm nervous about her." Does she realize what I'm trying to tell her? I'm not sure she comprehends because poor little Kyla isn't always the brightest crayon in the box.

"So like what, is she a friend of Alex's or something? Because if she is I'm sure she'll be cool and I don't think we need to worry about her not having a good time because I mean, hello! I'll be there!" Yeah she totally doesn't get it and I really don't feel like elaborating right now. I'm just going to go with her point of view until further notice.

"Right Ky, no need to worry, but I do need your help with something to wear. You have a lot more club wear than I do and I want to look good tonight."

"Right, right! Let's get you hot so you can get back at Aiden! Brilliant idea!"

So for the next hour or so we went through every piece of clothing that Kyla owned. We finally settled on what I thought would be the perfect outfit… for a slut in training that is. Whatever I decided that if Kyla said I looked good I would just go with it. I can't look half bad, right? I'm sure Spencer won't even notice anyways.

At about 8:30 Alex showed up along with my new favorite friend, Spencer. Trying not to sound overly excited I let them in and introduced Spencer to Kyla. I think it went well because they were both laughing.

"Ok girls, let's hit the club! We are going to be the hottest girls there… the guys won't know what hit 'em!" I think Kyla comes pre-drunk. The girl is crazy with a capital C when it comes to partying.

"So Ashley, I like your shirt. It's… sparkly." I could tell Spencer was trying not to laugh at me and it was really cute.

"Um yeah, I let Kyla dress me. Mistake I guess but at least you'll be able to spot me from in where in the club! I could even be your own personal disco ball."

"That would work because I could use a disco ball." Oh… my… god… she seriously has to stop looking at me with those eyes. Ok I know that sounds stupid because she has to look with her eyes, but they are just so blue and piercing through me. It doesn't help that she keeps smiling at me as we're walking down the street. Does she know? Oh god I hope this goes well… I just might die tonight if it doesn't.

We all get into the club and Kyla heads straight for a group of guys by the bar. Next thing I know she's off to the dance floor with a funny looking guy with a buzz cut. Alex, Spencer and I started making our way over to a table.

"Alright ladies, what'll it be? I bet I can get us at least one round before they get suspicious." Alex knew her way around a bar and could get almost anything she wanted.

"How bout you just get whatever you feel like. I like surprises!" Spencer spoke up and caught me by surprise. Damn, this girl is full of something and I like it.

For a few minutes, or what seemed like ten hours, we sat in silence just watching the dancers out on the floor. I could tell that she was thinking about something. She had this quizzical look on her face like she was trying to think up a way to ask something.

"So you don't really like this kind of thing, do you?" That was the question? I thought this was going to be a lot more thoughtful.

"Well to be honest, no not really. I don't mind clubs, but it's not a place I tend to frequent. I mainly go to make Kyla happy. She loves coming out and meeting random people that she'll most likely never see or talk to again. I guess it's just her personality, but I like more meaningful friendships."

"Yeah I know what you mean. I like just talking with someone over coffee… kind of like earlier today, but sometimes it's good to just get out there and dance your cares away."

Just at that moment in flew Alex with three drinks, one of which was almost completely consumed.

"Ok a round of vodka and red bull at your service. Drink up ladies!" Alex was obviously trying to get me to do something because she kept winking at me. I sure hope Spencer didn't notice because I mean, come on, that's just embarrassing.

After about ten or fifteen minutes our drinks were nearly finished and I could tell that Spencer was getting restless. We had been talking about this and that, nothing too important, but I felt like I was getting to know her. Then the big question came.

"You want to dance Ashley? I feel a need to get rid of this pre-exam stress and dancing always works the magic!" And with that she grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. I swear I had no idea what I was doing. I'm not a dancer. I can slow dance pretty well, but a monkey could do that with no problems. I know I should be better at this and I feel like I'm about to embarrass myself. A remix of Rihanna's _Don't Stop the Music _was playing and Spencer got even closer to me.

_Your hands around my waist, just let the music play, we're hand in hand chest to chest and now we're face to face_

I some how just knew what to do because Spencer was smiling at me like I was doing something very right. If I was braver I might have tried something, but I was content just dancing this close to her. We danced through about 3 more songs then Spencer said she was getting tired.

"Ok, let me go find Kyla. I think she will probably just get a ride back from somebody else, but I want to check just in case."

Spencer shook her head that yes, it was ok for me to go for a minute and I left to go find my roommate. It didn't take too long to find her cuddled up to a new guy at a corner table.

"Hey Ky, Spencer and I are going to leave. Do you want to come with us or will I just see you later?" Mystery man just stared at me like I was the plague and Kyla stood up to come over to me.

"I think I'm going to hang here with Michael for awhile. He's cute, yeah?!" I know this is probably bad for her, but I just don't like telling her sometimes. I know she'll look after herself.

"Sure he's cute. So I'll just see you in the morning probably. Don't do anything stupid ok?" And with that she hugged me, said of course she would be safe, and joined the guy back at their table.

I found my way back to Spencer and noticed how beautiful she looked just sitting sipping on her drink. I don't know what's going to happen, but I have a really good feeling about this.

"Ok Spence, you ready to head out?" And we went out into the night together. I walked with her to her building and said goodnight. She said she would call me some time soon to hang out again. I pray that sometime soon happens to be tomorrow because tonight was amazing.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok so I'm having a few problems with how I want to work the next few chapters. I know what the end result is, but I'm not sure how I want to get there yet. I'm going to just go with it but let me know if it's not sounding right! This is the part where it hits really close to home so I'm sorry if the next 2 or 3 chapters get a little edgy.

Like always, I love reviews!

**Chapter 4: Rapid Hope Loss **

I was on cloud nine! I was practically in heaven! I could not believe that I just spent the night dancing with Spencer. It was absolutely amazing. I usually hate dancing, but with her I couldn't stop. The way she just held me close to her made me feel alive. Sleeping was agony. Dreams kept filling my head about Spencer and what our little friendship could become. I never grew close to someone that quickly before. I know that I have to slow myself down because this could be absolutely nothing, but I don't want to. My heart may break, but what if I don't try?

In the morning I was eating breakfast when Kyla emerged from her room.

"So when did you get back in?" I loved bugging Kyla after a long night. She looks so hung over right now. I can't believe she continually does this to herself.

"Huh? Oh I don't know, like 3 or 4. It wasn't too late. That guy was lame."

"Well that's good. I don't want you hooking up with lame guys. But speaking of lame guys, I'm going over to Aiden's today. What do you think I should do about him?" I know that at noon on a Sunday is not the best time to ask your hung over roommate for advice, but it was all I had.

"Well you know I'm not the biggest fan of little Aiden, but I don't want to tell you what to do. I don't think that you've been really close with him lately though. I mean, when was the last time he took you out on an actual date?"

"You know what Ky? I don't even know when that was. I feel like he doesn't even appreciate me and what's worse is I don't even think I love him. I don't even think I like him anymore."

"That sounds kinda bad Ash. I think it might be best for you to dump his ass. He's had it coming for months now and he's done nothing about it. I say dump that chump." I love her weird little phrases. And she looks really funny when she first wakes up in the morning. Her hair is all over the place!

"Thanks Kyla. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I think you're right. So here I go! I'll see you later. Hopefully this won't take too long. Will you be around later?"

"Yeah I have a final paper to write. I'll be grounded here all day." She was pouting with her coffee cup in hand. I'm so glad I have her as a roommate. I don't know what I'd do without her.

With that I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. As I walked to Aiden's apartment I ran through what I was going to say in my head. It sounded absolutely perfect when I approached his door. You can do this, I kept repeating in my head.

"Aiden? You here?" I let myself in and searched his place.

"Over here." His voice came from the bedroom and I rolled my eyes. Could he seriously still be in bed? This guy really just doesn't get it.

I walked into his room and took a seat on the corner of the bed. I didn't look at him for what seemed like an hour when he finally broke the silence.

"So what's up Ash? You wanna talk or something?"

"Yeah Aiden, I do want to talk. Listen, I guess I don't really know how to say this, but I think its time to end this relationship. I just don't feel _it_ anymore. You have been so distant for months and I can't take it anymore."

"Whoa, Ash, you can't be serious? What do you mean you don't feel it anymore? We are perfect for each other!" Now he decides to be emotional… that's just great.

"Aiden you haven't even called me since I last saw you. You weren't even worried after I left yesterday. If you cared, wouldn't you have at least left me a message? I mean come on Aiden! You don't take me out anymore and you don't even tell me that you love me. Why would I want to stay in a relationship like that?"

"Ok so I didn't call you that one time, but you were mad at me. I didn't want to get yelled at again. And I take you out all the time. We went to the deli last week once."

"Aiden it's not just this one time that you didn't call. You never call me anymore! I'm always the one that calls or visits. You could care less if you see me. It seems like once a week is just fine for you. And the deli so does not count as taking me out! You wanted a fucking sandwich!"

"Ashley really you need to stop this. This isn't you talking. Were you drinking last night? Cause I think whatever you had messed you up bad."

"Really Aiden? Really? You think I'm messed up? Because this is the first time I've seen things clearly in months! I'm done. I'm sorry, but I'm done." I stood up and almost sprinted out of the apartment.

"Ashley, wait! I do love you!"

"It's too late Aiden." I yelled as I slammed the door behind me making the guy down the hall jump. Ok, so maybe that was a little harsh, but damn did it feel good. So much weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I can finally breathe.

I think I'll call Spencer later today. No maybe I should wait until tomorrow. I don't want to sound desperate. So I decide to stop into the coffee shop to talk to Alex.

_You called to say you wanted out  
Well, I can't say I blame you now_


	5. Chapter 5

So I've been having a lot of trouble with this next chapter. I'm so torn with how I want one situation to go. I think that next few chapters are going to turn out a little differently that I had first thought. This one is going to be a little short. I'm not so good with the long chapters so sorry if that's a little weird.

Thanks for the reviews you guys. You make me smile 

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own SON

**Chapter 5: This Modern Love**

Stepping into my favorite coffee oasis was somewhat of a new experience. I felt free and had a new optimism about the world around me. I had no idea that one relationship could be so bad for me. Being with Aiden was safe and it felt like something that I was just supposed to do. I mean I grew up in a family that expected me to meet the perfect or close to perfect, guy and get married. I was then supposed to have 2.2 kids, a house with a yard, a mini-van, and soccer games to go to every Saturday afternoon. I thought that I could have that with Aiden, but I knew the whole time that I didn't really want that life. The only thing I know right now is that I want to be happy and I think that Spencer makes me happy… even though I barely know her.

But I'm going to change that. I promised to myself that I was going to be braver than ever and I was going to do what I wanted. I want Spencer.

Alex was behind the counter chatting with another patron as I waited to place my order. "Well, well, well if it isn't the great Ashley! Did you have fun the other night?" With a wink and a smile Alex started making my coffee without even needing to ask what I wanted.

"Yeah I definitely did have a good time. It was actually the best night I've had in a very long time."

"Well I'm glad because girl you deserve it. But I couldn't help noticing how close you and Spencer were out on that dance floor. Is something going on or should I just bring a hose along next time?"

"Alex! No nothing is going on. Seriously I can't just dance with a friend?"

"Not like that Ash. You don't dance with that kind of passion if it's just a friend. I saw how you were looking at her. Don't think I'm that naïve Ashley and don't try to block it out of your head either. You need to admit to yourself that you're into her."

"I know Alex. I do like her, but I barely know her. Plus I just broke up with Aiden this morning. Like not even an hour ago. My emotions are a little all over the place at the moment."

"Wow, I must say that I'm proud of you. I didn't think you had it in you to break up with wonder boy, but I was wrong. Can I now say that I never have liked that guy?"

"Yeah tell me about it. You know, I don't even think I ever really liked him much either. I've been lying to myself for 2 years now and I can't take it anymore. It is literally killing me Alex."

"I think you need to talk to Spencer. I don't know her very much either, but she seems like a pretty open minded girl. I think she would totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think I'd come out and express my undying love right away, but at least talk to her. Get to know her heart."

"Thanks Dr. Phil, you're a life saver!" I gave my friend a quick hug and headed out into the California afternoon.

I took out my cell and dialed Spencer's number. For some reason I prayed that I would get her voicemail. For some reason I hate talking on the phone. It's something that I've never been very good at. You remember back in middle school when you were expected to spend hours on the phone with your latest crush? I spent five minutes max because I just couldn't handle it. I do fine face to face, but something about a phone just freaks me out. That's probably why the guy that sold me my phone plan was shocked to hear that I only needed the minimum minutes and no, I didn't need to upgrade to unlimited peak hour calls.

_Ring, ring… ok it's just ringing… Hi you've reached the phone of Spencer. I'm so sorry that I can't answer right now but I promise that I will call you back asap if you leave me a nice message! – Ok messages I can do. Hi Spencer, it's Ashley. Um hey I was just wondering what you're doing later today. Thought that maybe we could hang out… do you like sushi? I know a great sushi place that I think you would like. So yeah call me back._ _Bye!_

Ok that wasn't so bad now was it? I'll just wait for her to call me back and this will all work itself out.

Suddenly I felt my phone vibrate and a huge pit formed in my stomach. Nervously I answered the phone. I probably sounded scared shitless, but hey what can ya do, right?

"Hello?"

"Hey Ash, its Spencer! Just got your message and yeah I'd love to get some sushi later. I've got some stuff to do right now, but how does 7 sound? Meet me at my place?"

"Ok yeah that sounds good. I'll be there at 7."

"Ok great! Bye Ash!"

"Bye." I choked out as the phone went dead. I think I just made a date with Spencer. Is this a date or just dinner with a friend? Oh god I really need to get a grip on this. I also need to consult my fashion advisor of a roommate on what to wear to such an event.

_Don't get offended  
If I seem absent minded  
Just keep telling me facts  
And keep making me smile_


	6. Chapter 6

I've been busy, what can I say. I'm thinking that the next chapter or two will be posted soon. Once I got started on this part I just couldn't stop.

I had someone ask what the lyrics I use are from. I think I'm going to start listing them in each chapter, but here is a recap of what's been used so far.

Title and chapter summary: Rihanna- Hate that I love you

Chapter 1: Third Eye Blind- The Background

Chapter 2: Cute is what we aim for- The Curse of Curves, The Doors- LA Woman and Hello, I love you

Chapter 3: Rihanna- Don't Stop the Music

Chapter 4: Dashboard Confessional- Rapid Hope Loss

Chapter 5: Bloc Party- This Modern Love

Chapter 6: Dashboard Confessional- The Secret's in the Telling

Disclaimer: I still don't own South of Nowhere. I checked again today.

**Chapter 6: The Secret's in the Telling**

"KYLA!! Kyla are you home?!" I burst into the apartment screaming like the apocalypse was upon us.

"Shit Ash, yeah I'm right here. What's going on?" Kyla's head popped up from the couch. Her eyes shot me the look of death and I remembered the hang over from the previous night.

"Sorry Kyla, I'm so sorry! I need your help. I have a dinner later and I need your opinion on what to wear." I was frantically running around the living room trying to find my earrings that I lost over a month ago. I don't know why I needed them at this exact moment, but they seemed incredibly important.

"Ok chill. Sit," Kyla reached out and grabbed my arm, dragging me down to the couch. "Alright, now speak… and slowly please, my head is killing me."

"So I went to Aiden's and I kind of broke up with him."

"But you just said that you have dinner tonight. Don't tell me you found a date on the way home from breaking up with your boyfriend?"

"Don't be so shocked Ky. You're not the only one around here who can get a date. But this isn't a date, it's just dinner."

"If it's just dinner than why are you freaking out so much? You eat dinner almost every day. What's so different about this one if it's not a _date_?"

"Ok so you remember Spencer, right? You met her before the bar." I couldn't stand to look her in the eyes at this point. Nothing made me more nervous than coming out to my best friend/roommate. She loves me like we're sisters, but I don't know how she's going to take this.

"Yeah the friend of Alex's, I remember her, but why?"

"I'm having dinner with her tonight at Tokyo Grill."

Process this Kyla. Don't look at me like that, so behind in what I'm trying to tell you without actually saying it. And the light bulb brightens.

"Oh my god! You have a thing for Spencer, don't you?" You're a genius Kyla, really you should become an engineer.

"Yeah Kyla, I kind of like her…" I trailed off hoping for a miracle. And luckily it came in the form of a huge, embracing hug from my best friend.

"Ash, why didn't you tell me? I would have made you look a lot hotter last night if I had only known. And I definitely would have made you break up with Aiden a lot sooner. Is this… is this something you've known for awhile or is it just her?"

"Kyla I didn't know what to tell you. I didn't want you to be freaked out. I guess I've known for a long time and Aiden was kind of a shield, you know?"

"Ok, that makes sense. I guess if I didn't want to admit it to myself then I would date an Aiden too. Although I think I would have picked a better Aiden, no offense."

"None taken. So you're not like freaked out?"

"Are you kidding? Ash, why would I be freaked out? You know me and you know I'm not one to judge. I do what ever the hell I want why should you be any different? I love you Ash, you're like my sister that I never had."

I grabbed Kyla and started crying. I just couldn't believe how I hadn't trusted her with my life before this moment. She truly cares and is not going to throw me to the curb just because of who I like.

"I love you too, Kyla. You are my sister, you know that right?"

"Yeah Ash, I know. And can I say that I think you couldn't have chosen a better girl? That Spencer is seriously hot!"

"Kyla! No saying Spencer is hot… well ok you can say that because it's true, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I barely know her."

"Well that is exactly why you are going to have an awesome dinner tonight! Let's go raid the closet and see what we can find!" Her face seriously lights up any time I let her dress me. I think she finds my style a little boring, but doesn't have the heart to tell me.

About an hour later we had picked out a good combination of jeans and tight, rather low cut, black shirt. I decided on a necklace and earrings that Kyla seemed to approve of, but only if I agreed to wear a pair of her high heels… pink to be exact. I must say that I do look pretty good. I think it's a definite upgrade from my previous 'club' outfit that Kyla had picked out. Probably because at that point she thought I was picking up loser guys, but now that there was a serious date possibility she wanted me to look more presentable.

"Ok so now that I'm dressed what am I going to do until 7? It's only 5." I have a really bad habit of being ready to go somewhere very early. It's a good habit to have when it comes to a job or school, but not good when it's considered loser status to show up to a party/club/bar/dinner early.

"I say you work on my psych paper for me. I'm still on page 2… this class is seriously going to kill me! I thought psych was supposed to be easy, but no it's undeniably not. I think I'm going to switch to a communications major… I hear that is like super easy."

"Well Ky, I hate to tell you, but I don't think any major is particularly easy in college. Communications is like the cop-out major though. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Tell me Ash, what's your major again?"

"Fine so maybe music isn't the best major either, I admit it, but it's the only thing I'm good at."

"And I'm good at communicating! It's perfect. So are you going to write my paper for me or not? Because it's not writing itself over here."

"Sorry Kyla, not writing your paper for you, but I will leave you alone to concentrate. I'm going to go to the music library before dinner. I will see you later!"

I love going to the music library when I have nothing else to do. It's a relaxing place to just sit back and think. There are thousands of old records that I love exploring. You can find anything you want to listen to in this place, well besides obscene rap. Most music majors will never accept rap as music. It just doesn't make fit in the same category. But I do know exactly what I want to find during this trip. I'm in search of a song that I promised to make a copy of for Spencer. Glancing through the CD's I found what I was looking for: The Doors, 40th Anniversary disc. I brought it over to a computer and ripped a copy onto a cd for Spencer. This will be the perfect gift for a semi-date. Nothing too big, but it is special none-the-less.

After spending some time perusing the jazz section of the library I noticed that it was nearing 7 and I should probably head over to Spencer's. The walk was short from the library and I clutched the cd nervously, wondering if she would like it or not. I knew she asked for a copy of LA Woman when we had first talked, but I didn't know if she was serious. What if it was one of those pity requests? Maybe she wasn't even listening when I told her about it. Oh shit what if she hates it?

I got to the apartment and uneasily pressed the buzzer to get into the building. The door clicked open and I made my way up the steeps to the third floor. As I approached number 36 I tried to calm myself down. This is only a dinner with a friend. She is just a friend who wants to have a nice dinner of sushi. No big deal, right? The door opened right before I was going to knock and Spencer laughed at me.

"Hey Ash! How long were you going to stand there before you knocked?"

"Oh yeah, you know I was just… you know what I was just spaced out, sorry. But hey, I brought you something." I handed her the cd with a bit of hesitation.

"Cool, thanks Ashley. Is this the copy of The Doors that you told me about?" She remembered!

"Yeah actually it is. It's the 40th Anniversary edition. Has all the best of their songs on it."

"That's so thoughtful of you. I'm going to listen to this later for sure. You ready to go? I'm starving!"

We walked out onto the street and headed to the restaurant. I noticed that she was wearing just about the most flattering pair of jeans that I have ever seen. I tried not to stare, but I don't think I was doing a very good job. The silence was getting a little weird so I decided to raise a thought provoking question.

"Have you had sushi before?" Yeah, very thoughtful Ashley. Couldn't you have at least come up with a better question than that? It's better than asking about the weather, sure, but it could have been a little better than that.

"Oh yeah. I love sushi. When I went to Japan in high school I ate so much of it. I think it was all I ate for like a week straight."

"You've been to Japan?! That is so cool!"

"Yeah, when I was a junior in high school I did a semester abroad. It was the best semester of my life. The culture is just amazing in Japan. And don't even get me started on the fashion! It is just to die for."

"I am so jealous! The furthest I've gone is to Florida once for Christmas break. And that was to visit my grandparents. I would love to go to Japan or Europe. Any where more exciting than here."

"But LA is the craziest place ever! I spent five months in Tokyo, but I missed LA. Everything you could ever really want is here. I don't think I would ever want to leave here permanently." The look in her eyes made me realize that she was absolutely right. I think I would believe anything that she ever told me. Those eyes just expressed pure honesty. Or maybe it was just the fact that they are so blue and enticing.

"I guess you're right. I love living here, but I just would like to experience somewhere else too. Maybe live in France for awhile. I have always wanted to go to France."

"Ah yes, the home of Paris… the city of love. You should go there. If it's a dream you need to do it! I believe that you need to live any dreams that you have. Because you would never forgive yourself if you don't."

I looked into her deep blue eyes and smiled. I'm going to Paris as soon as I possibly can.

We entered the restaurant and took a seat in a booth against the back wall. Apparently Spencer is a true sushi guru because she ordered for the both of us without even looking the menu. She promised that it was be the best sushi that I've ever eaten and I believed her. We started talking again about vacation spots and school. I learned that she is journalism major and hopes to be a reporter for a major news station. I think she would be an amazing reporter. I would without a doubt tune into the station for the 11'oclock news.

"So how do you like the sushi?" Spencer had already dived into hers and was obviously anxious for me to try mine too.

"Well I like this one, but the spicy one is a bit… well… spicy?"

"Ash you're too cute. You don't have to eat the wasabi if you don't want to."

"I didn't want you to think that I was a wimp or anything. You know, I need to make a good impression if I ever want to hang out with you again."

"I don't think that you're a wimp and we can hang out again, for sure."

The dinner continued this way for awhile. We would each eat a piece of sushi then talk a little more. By the end I was even more convinced that I was truly falling for her. Everything about her was exciting and incredibly wonderful, but I decided to keep that to myself for just a little bit longer. While Spencer excused herself to the restroom I paid the bill and waited by the front entrance.

"Ashley did you already pay? I told you I was paying for my half of the sushi!"

"Sorry Spence, I must have forgotten that little part of the deal. Guess you'll just have to keep your money for something else."

"Ok but that just means that we'll have to have dinner again soon because you're not getting away with this that easily."

"I suppose I could agree to that, but we're going to eating at a place with a dollar menu. I refuse to let you spend that much money on me."

"Whatever Ashley." She shoved me a little and walked out the front door. Looking over her shoulder she winked at me. If this girl doesn't like me than I would be very confused.

We walked back to Spencer's apartment building talking about more random things. For some reason I still haven't brought up the whole Aiden thing. I just don't want to bring that into tonight if I don't have to. I'm going to tell her at some point, but if anything would jeopardize my chances with her it would be that.

"So Ash, you want to come up for awhile? I want to introduce you to someone."

"Yeah sure, I'd love to meet your roommate."

"I guess you could say that…" Spencer suddenly looked fearful as she unlocked the door to her apartment and I soon found out why.

_There is a secret that we keep  
I won't sleep if you won't sleep  
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given  
We are compelled to do what we must do  
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden_


	7. Chapter 7

I waited awhile to write this next chapter because I thought it would give me more insight. You know, time to really think about what I want to say. But in all actuality it has made me more confused. I'm no longer a fan of waiting. I think it brings only more confusion. This story will still be what I had hoped, but with a twist. Let's just say that my inspiration for said story is no longer talking to me. But whatever, I will keep going on.

Still love reviews guys! This chapter goes out to you, iwetta.

Disclaimer: They still won't let me buy SON, apparently it costs more than 10

**Chapter 7: We've got a big mess on our hands**

I looked through the door to see a figure sitting on a chair in the living room. Only this person had very short hair and appeared to not be the girl roommate I was counting on. I checked to see if Spencer was still standing next to me. She was there, but still looked like she was going to vomit. This can't be good. Most definitely can not be good in any way, shape, or form.

"Ash, I'd like you to meet Jason. Jason would you come here a second?" Jason? Who the hell is Jason and why do I want to meet him?

"About time you got home Spence. Where on earth have you been?" This Jason character came up to Spencer and hugged her. Literally walked over, smiling non-the-less, and physically embraced her. Now I think I might vomit. But let's just wait a second maybe he's like her brother or gay best friend.

"I was having dinner with my friend Ashley. Remember I told you that?" She hugged him back. Not as tightly as he hugged her, but it was still a hug.

I just stood there looking from Spencer to the guy named Jason waiting for someone to realize that I was still standing in the apartment. Maybe it would be better if I just left now before something very strange happens.

"Oh my god, ok Ashley, I want you to meet Jason. Ashley, this is Jason, Jason this is Ashley. Now shake hands or something!" This must be nervous Spencer. I haven't seen this side of her yet. She always seemed so confident, but right now I think she's sweating a little bit.

"Hey Ash, it's nice to meet you. Spencer told me you guys had a good time the other night. Too bad I couldn't make it, but maybe next time." Dude, you weren't invited.

"Oh yeah, well we did have a good time. Tonight too. I had no idea Spencer liked sushi so much." For the love would someone please tell me who this guy is?

"Ash, you want to stay and hang here with us for a bit?" Spencer was talking to me, but would not make eye contact. This really can't be the gay best friend.

"You know I should probably get going. Thanks though."

"Ok but let me walk you out." We walked in silence down the hall to the stairs. I couldn't wait any longer so I just came out and said it.

"So who is Jason exactly?"

"He's my boyfriend. I thought you knew that?" Still no eye contact.

"Oh, right. I was just making sure. Well I can make it on my own from here. Thanks for having dinner with me, it was fun."

"No thank you. It was really great. Remember we have to do it again soon so I can pay. Call me?"

I just nodded my head in response that I would call her, but let's face it I don't think I will be making that call anytime soon.

I pulled out my iPod as I exited the building. This night went from amazing to crap in 2.3 seconds. I can not believe that Spencer, my Spencer, has a boyfriend. I just broke up with own asshole of a guy and she has her own. This is just great. What the hell am I going to do now?

_I always put myself  
In destructive situations  
I need oxygen  
To be exposed where no one goes, where no one's been  
When it all comes crashing…_

_Now we've got a big, big  
Mess on our hands tonight – The Academy is: We've got a big mess on our hands_


	8. Chapter 8

Ok guys, how am I doin'? Let me know if I need to change something. Anything at all! We're going to be making a little bit of progress soon with the Spencer/Ashley relationship. It might start off kind of slow, but don't worry, we'll get there.

And now on with the show.

Disclaimer: I was not smart enough to think up SON on my own, sadly I own no part of it at all

**Chapter 8: Let the Flames Begin**

It was getting late and I was not getting any closer to my apartment. Wandering around the city at this time of the night can not be safe. I just don't want to go home right now. I can not believe that my heart is this crushed over something that should be so small. I have known this girl for less than a week. We have gone out a total of two times. I never thought of myself as someone who believed in love at first sight, but with Spencer I think it's true. I think I fell for her the second that I saw her sitting in the coffee shop. The minute our eyes met was the minute that my life changed forever. I don't think she knows it, but she has already made me a different person. Before I met her I was scared. I did not want to admit to myself that I could have true feelings for a girl. I even broke up with my boyfriend because of her. Well, not because I thought she wanted me to, but because she made me realize that I never actually wanted to be with him. I didn't want to be with a "_him" _in general.

What the hell am I going to do? Spencer has a boyfriend. Is it serious between them? Oh my god, what if she is like deeply in love with him? I am going to have no shot at this. I doubt I even had a shot in the first place. But those eyes, she looked so deeply at me. How could that have meant nothing?

I can't believe that I am this broken over something that never even existed. I am mourning a relationship that never got off its feet. Damn, it never even got to the point of having feet. I need a drink.

"Ashley? What are you doing here?" Alex opened her door as shocked as I was.

"Sorry for just barging in Alex, but I really just needed someone to talk to."

"It's ok Ash, but what about Kyla? You two are always talking… its kind of annoying sometimes how you guys don't shut up." I can tell that she's trying to lighten the mood, but I'm not amused.

"I can't talk to Kyla about this. She wouldn't understand. And besides, I know you always keep a well stocked bar. I could really use a drink right about now."

"Yeah come in." I can now tell that she's genuinely worried about me. I don't really drink that much and when I do it is usually because something shitty happened.

I took a seat on the couch while Alex got out two glasses and an assortment of alcohol. I pointed to the vodka and the shot glass. Alex poured two shots and passed one over to me. Without even speaking we both took our shots and had another. I wanted more, but I know Alex and she only lets me do two at a time. Maybe in an hour she'll give in, but right now she's taking the bottle away.

"You going to tell me what happened or what? And no I'm not letting you get drunk over this. Two shots are enough to take the edge off. You really don't need anymore."

"She has a boyfriend Alex. She has a fucking boyfriend!" Being emotional is not one of my strong points. I tend to get a little out of control when my feelings are in the way.

"Shit… you're sure? Like it wasn't just someone who could have maybe been a boyfriend, but really was just a friend?"

"No I'm positive. She introduced him as "boyfriend". There is no way around this. This is so fucked up its not even funny." Now I'm laying flat on my stomach on the couch ready to pass out. Why won't she just give me the bottle and leave me alone? I would rather die here then go anywhere else.

"Ash you're going to be ok. This is just one girl who you've known for a few days. It's not like you've been seeing each other for months. So she has a boyfriend, you can still be her friend. Maybe she'll confide in you… you know like maybe she's still in the closet. Or maybe she is completely straight and into her guy, but you'll never know if you just wallow in self pity forever. You have to be stronger than this Ashley."

"That's easy for you to say. You weren't there. You didn't dance with her or eat dinner with her. It wasn't like me and you, it was different. Like I can go out with you or any other friend and have a normal night out, but with her it was like something out of this world. I know, you can laugh at me all you want, but I'm seriously not going to be able to get over this girl."

"I'm not laughing Ash, I just never thought of you as the romantic fall in love on the first date kind of girl. This is a whole new side of you that I've never seen before. I kind of like it actually."

"Well good I'm glad you like me even when I sound like a lunatic. I'm seriously going out of my mind Alex. Did I tell you that when she told me he was her boyfriend she wouldn't even look at me? From the time we got to her place to the time I left she would not look directly at me. It was like she was afraid or something. This just isn't adding up! You saw the way she was the other night when we all went out."

"I know Ash and that's exactly why I think you need to still be her friend. Something might still come out of this if you give it time. Give yourself a few days and then call her. But please, for the love, don't confess you're undying love for her. Wait for that, please, otherwise I'm going to need more vodka."

"Can I crash here tonight? I don't want to move."

"Yeah I'll get you a blanket, but I'm locking up anything alcoholic. Don't even think about getting blasted tonight. I'm so not holding your hair back."

As soon as I had my shoes off and the blanket over me I was gone. Sleep usually doesn't come that easily for me, but tonight was a different story. This night drained me of everything. Emotionally, I am spent. Damn Alex for being responsible. I just want to drink myself into oblivion.

_What a shame we all became such fragile, broken things  
A memory remains just a tiny spark  
I give it all my oxygen  
To let the flames begin- Paramore: Let the flames begin  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks guys, it means a great deal to me that you like the story. Not going to rant about anything right now so here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I'm starting to think that I don't really need to put this here, but you never know… still don't own anything

**Chapter 9: Come Round Soon**

"Good morning sunshine, I got you a muffin." Alex was standing over me, blueberry muffin in hand.

"Thanks. Thanks for the muffin and letting me crash here last night."

"No problem. Now I love that you come to me when you need a friend, but what about Kyla? She's been your friend for a lot longer than I have. Why do you think she's not going to understand?"

"I'm not sure. I do talk to her, but I didn't tell her about the whole Spencer thing until just yesterday. I had never told her that I even liked Spencer or girls in general. I didn't want to spring more of this on her right away. I love Kyla like she's my sister, but sometimes she just doesn't understand really emotional stuff. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah I understand. But you should at least go home and talk to her a little bit. She's going to notice that you're not yourself. Don't make her get all worried. You remember that time when you had a fight with Aiden and she got so worried that she said she wasn't going to date until you got things good with him again?"

"Oh yeah! That was hilarious. I mean Kyla not date? That lasted like maybe two days before she met some guy that was "the one" and she had to break her promise. Good times."

"So I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah I'll see you later. Do you work tomorrow?"

"Sure do and I'll get you a coffee on the house too… you know we started a heartbreak special!"

"Very funny Alex. I'll see you tomorrow."

Our apartment seemed different today as I walked up. I guess I've never really stopped to look at it. The building itself was kind of run down, but it made it look sort of vintage. I actually thought it looked really artsy.

I opened the door expecting Kyla to still be in bed, but there she was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey! Late night huh?!" This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. She thinks I stayed at Spencer's.

"Sort of, but not what you're thinking. I slept at Alex's last night." I grabbed the coffee pot and a mug and sat down across from her.

"Alex's? What happened with Spencer?"

"Well we had a really good dinner and we were going back to her place, but… she has a boyfriend Ky." I think I might actually start crying. I can't explain why I am so out of my mind with this.

"I don't know what to say Ash… she has a boyfriend? Did you see him?"

"Yup she introduced me. The stupid guy seriously had no idea what was going on. But then again I don't think Spencer really did either." I was wishing that my coffee was stronger.

"What can I do Ash?"

"Nothing Kyla, I'll be ok."

"Ash I think I've seen you cry like twice since I've known you. Something has to be huge for you to cry and you're tearing up. I know! Let's plan a party. We'll invite a ton of people. It will be great!" Oh Kyla you were so close to being a great friend. You care, but then you think party.

"No Kyla, that's ok. I don't think a party is what we need right now. I think I'm just going to go work on some final exam stuff and get ready for my tests this week. I let you know if I need anything. And don't worry about me, I will be ok eventually."

The afternoon dragged on and on. I don't think I actually got any real studying done. I might possibly bomb all my tests coming up just because I can't concentrate on anything. I hate studying for music anyways. It never makes much sense. Theory can kiss my ass because we all know that it doesn't really matter. Not to me at least. I have my voice and that is all that matters to me. Too bad I have to take these general education classes too. I swear if I have to take another math class I think I might kill someone. Most likely that someone will turn out to be my next math tutor. I hate math tutors. They always think that they are so much smarter than you. I know they are so why do they have to act like it all the time?

It wasn't until around 8 that I noticed I had never turned my cell off of silent from last night. Two missed calls? Who was trying to call me? I honestly have no idea who would be calling because Alex knows not to call unless it's an emergency and Kyla is in the next room. I can't believe it. It was Spencer. No voicemail though. That's kind of strange. Who tries to call more than once, but doesn't leave a message? Should I call her back or do I wait? Damn it, if I only knew how to deal with this. Before I know it I'm dialing her number. This might go very badly so I begin to brace myself.

"Hello?" She answered. Now what do I do? Oh yeah, I should talk back.

"Hey Spencer, its Ashley. I just noticed that you had tried to call earlier. Sorry I didn't answer. I forgot that I had my ringer turned off."

"That's ok I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't mean for things to happen that way last night."

"It's ok, don't worry about it."

"I was really going to pay and you just snuck up and paid for everything! You really didn't have to do that."

"Oh, right, well I thought it would be nice. I was the one that asked if you wanted to go so it only seemed right for me to pay." Is that what she was worried about? Are we going to bypass the whole boyfriend thing again?

"Well that was really nice of you. We should do something again soon. Are you busy tomorrow?"

"Um, no not really. I have to go run through a few things with my voice coach, but after that I'm free." Damn me for being so nice. I don't know if this is going to be a good idea. She thinks that we are just friends and I want to jump her.

"Sounds good. Want to meet at the coffee shop around 4?"

"Sure I'll see you then." I actually hung up the phone at that point. I know that isn't appropriate phone etiquette but what was I supposed to do? I just planned a "date" with a girl that doesn't even know it's a "date". This is going to be hard, really hard. What was Alex thinking? Just be her friend and maybe she'll come around? I don't want to be the girl that breaks up a good relationship.

Great, I am so going to be that girl whether I like it or not. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself forever.

_I could use another cigarette  
But don't worry daddy, I'm not addicted yet  
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you  
Like you were mine – Sara Bareilles: Come Round Soon_


	10. Chapter 10

So should we commence with operation dump boyfriend? I think so. I have a million ideas of how to do this, but I can't seem to stand grounded on just one. Possibly I shall have to combine. This could be interesting.

**Chapter 10: Rooftops and Invitations **

I never thought of myself as a really attractive person. Sure, I had boys waiting in line to date me all throughout junior high and high school, but I never felt very good about myself. I was once told that beauty could only be gained by believing in myself. I suppose that is true. Why would those authors and doctors be so rich off of the philosophy if it wasn't true?

I was also told once, by Alex actually, that using the right "moves" any girl could be turned gay. I just needed to work on my "moves". Those were her words, not mine. I think we had discussed that once last year when I had first confessed by deepest secret. I'm still worried though. What if the one person I truly want, or care about, turns out to be completely straight? This is my constant thought process now.

Well at least for the past 24 hours. I have been wallowing all morning, almost dreading my upcoming "date"ish type thing. My voice coach even noticed that something was up. He actually thinks it's a good thing that I'm a little more down than usual. Apparently it gives my singing more passion. I guess depression can do that to a person. Not that I'm depressed, just a little jagged.

I am also the queen of wasting time. Sitting in the library, I felt my phone vibrate from inside my bag. Alex was trying to call me. Guess I had better answer if before she flips out.

"What's up Alex?" I walked outside to the sunlight, hoping that possibly today could be rainy, but not in LA. It's hardly ever rainy here. It's a real bitch when you're having one of those days.

"I just thought you would like to know that your girl has been here for like an hour already. Are you supposed to be meeting her or what?"

"I told her I would see her at 4."

"Ashley, do you realize that it's almost fucking 5 o'clock?"

"What?! Shit now she is going to hate me. Does she look pissed?"

"Actually not really. Has she tried calling you? I've seen her check her phone a few times."

"I don't know. I've been in the library. It was a miracle I noticed that you were calling."

"Well I would suggest calling her like 10 minutes ago and apologizing. And get your ass over here asap. I'm serious." Alex hung up the phone. I hate that she is always right. And I hate that I spaced out that badly. I can't believe that it's an hour past when I was going to meet Spencer. This is the one time that I'm not early for something. I can waste time like nobody's business, but I'm never late for anything.

I try calling Spencer, but no answer. What is going on? First time goes far faster than normal and now the girl waiting for me isn't answering the phone. She must really hate me. I would hate me. So I walk as fast as humanly possibly down to the coffee shop.

As I open the door I notice that Spencer is still there. She is sitting in the back corner at a table for two. If this moment in my life isn't the script for the next big lifetime movie than I don't know what is. This is just too perfect, despite the fact that the girl sitting there has no idea what I'm feeling. Or does she? She glances over and catches my eye. I notice a hint of sadness but also a glimmer of hope as she smiles.

I walk over to the table and sit down. "I am so so so sorry! I have no excuses for being so late. Have I said that I'm sorry?"

"Oh it's ok. I was just sitting here, thinking. No need to be sorry." I can't believe how calm she is. If this was the other way around I would be flipping out.

"Are you sure? That was totally rude of me to not even call. I mean I tried to call when I figured out that I was late, but you didn't answer. Do you hate me?" Ok so maybe I shouldn't have thrown that out there, but hey it's better to cover all my bases.

"No I don't hate you! And my phone died so I wouldn't have known if you called. That's why I didn't call you, I couldn't."

She looks so pretty. I don't think she did anything special with her hair today, it's just normal, but that's what makes her so beautiful. The simplicity in her look intrigues me. The silence went on for probably only a few seconds, but I still felt a little awkward.

"Would you like a refill? I'm going to go get something." I needed to consult with Alex before I made a fool of myself. If I do this alone I might just end up dying.

So I head up to the counter with Spencer's coffee cup. My mission is to get out of here unscathed.

"I see you two are still on speaking terms. Lucky for you she seems like a fairly relaxed person." Alex handed me my usual and refilled Spencer's cup.

"Yeah, I don't get it, but she isn't even mad at me for being late. What do I do now?"

"What do you mean? You have to just be her friend. Talk to her, get to know her. Pretend that you're just talking to me or Kyla and you'll be fine."

"I can't do that! You see how I get when I'm around her."

"Yeah you get a little shiny. Maybe you should work on that."

"Funny Alex, really funny. You know I can blame you for all of this."

"Oh? How so?"

"You were the one that told me to ask her to go out with us that night. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be in this mess."

"Yes, but because of me you could meet the love of your life. Now stop trying to argue with me and go talk to her. Idiot."

The walk back to our table felt like the scene from _Dead Man Walking_ when Sean Penn is being lead to his execution. This really shouldn't be so hard. I shouldn't feel like I'm being put on trail or sentenced to death. I'm just going to shake it off and pretend like this is no big deal.

"So how do you like your apartment? It looked pretty nice." And I break the ice with my smooth conversational skills. They are very much lacking.

"I love that apartment. It's just too bad that I have to move. And soon. Ever since my roommate left last semester it's been really hard paying the rent. My lease is up and I have to find a place to go. It's so hard trying to live by yourself around here. Rent is just so high and not to mention it gets sort of lonely."

"Wow, I had no idea. Do you have any options right now or are you still looking?" My mind is suddenly going crazy. Kyla and I share a small two bedroom, but we could cram in a third right?

"Well Jason is trying to convince his roommates to let me crash there, but you know guys."

"Actually, no I don't really but why would you want to live with them anyways?"

"I don't really want to live there, but what else do I have? Most of my friends either moved away or already have their living situations figured out. I supposed I'm always the odd one out. Sort of the fifth wheel."

"Well I know this is going to sound crazy, but why don't you come live with me? Kyla won't mind and it will be so much better than living with a bunch of filthy guys."

"Seriously? I don't want to impose on you guys." With those eyes I could never say no. They are pleading with me to say; of course you can live with me. If only she knew what her eyes were saying to me. We might not be in this situation if she did.

"You would not be imposing. Kyla loves company. She can move into my room and you can have hers. Or we could work it out another way, whatever you want." I would like you to bunk in my room, but I won't come out and say it just yet.

"Oh my god! Ashley you are a life saver!! This is going to be so much fun."

All I could do was smile. I think this is a huge break through for me. I mean I just invited Spencer to live with me. Not such a big step for the ordinary person, but for me this is a giant big foot step.

I had better call Kyla.

_She just might get you lost  
And she just might leave you torn  
But she just might save your soul  
If she gets you when she gets you any closer_

_- Dashboard Confessional, Rooftops and Invitations _


	11. Chapter 11

I needed to take a little hiatus… you know how June gets. But yeah, are you guys feeling the story? I reread the previous chapters and realized that I've changed a lot of my initial story line. I guess that happens when life changes. I would still love to hear what you think and don't worry, I can take honesty. I actually prefer it.

Please enjoy! I enjoy writing it. 

**Chapter 11: Who Let You Go**

"Ashley are you sure that's not too heavy?"

"No Spencer, I got it!" I tried to sound like I was not pained, but this box is possibly the heaviest thing ever. I don't know what this girl think she needs, but she sure has a lot of it.

"Ok girls we have just a few more boxes and then its unpacking time. Hey Ash you think I could get some water or something?" The ever helpful Jason decided to help Spencer move in. Apparently he used to work for his dad's moving company and knows all the tricks. So far the only trick he's shown me is how to be an ass.

"Yeah sure Jas, let me just get that water for you while I hold this 40 pound box of shoes!"

"I'm not holding anything; I can get some water for you." Spencer is by far the best girlfriend ever. Not only has she moved a majority of her crap, but she is also taking care of Jason's every need. Damn that boy has it good. I don't even think he knows it either. He's such a preppy jerk; coming over here in his little Abercrombie outfit and trucker cap. I think that I know more about moving than this guy does. Does he really expect anyone to believe that he used to work as a mover? He might have worked for his dad, but in the office filing papers.

"Thanks babe, but you didn't have to do that. Ashley said she was going to get something to drink for us." Really?

"Jason, it's not a problem. This is my apartment now too, right Ashley?!" If she wasn't so damn cute I would strangle that boyfriend of hers, but I think it might hurt her feelings.

"Of course Spencer, what's mine is yours… or so to speak."

"Alright, I'm going to go get another box. You girls start putting stuff in Spencer's room so we can get done faster than scheduled."

We had originally decided to put Kyla in a room with me and let Spencer have her own room, but with all of Kyla's clothes we couldn't manage to share a closet. Therefore, Spencer has ended up sharing a room with me. This is what I preferred all along, but could not proclaim too loudly otherwise she might catch on. So we some how managed to finagle two beds and a dresser in my room without too much hassle. The only problem is that there is about a foot of walking space, but not to worry, Spencer has informed me that she prefers proximity. You would not believe how excited I got. I don't think that Jason knows about the arrangement yet because he keeps referring to it as "Spencer's room".

"Sorry about Jason. He can get a little ahead of himself sometimes, but he means well."

"It's ok Spence. Don't worry about me or him. We both just want you to be happy. And you're ok with the room still, right?"

"Totally! I think it is going to be so much fun living with you and Kyla. Jason is still a little worried, but I think he'll get over it."

"Why is Jason worried?" Does he really know more than I give him credit for? I doubt it.

"He thinks that Kyla is going to have guys over all the time and I'm going to get caught up in it all."

"Sounds to me like he doesn't trust you and that is completely crazy."

"Yeah…" Spencer is doing her not looking at me thing again. I am going to love living with her, but we are going to need to figure this thing out soon. It kills me that we haven't been open with each other about what has been going on. Does she know how I feel, but just doesn't tell me? Sometimes when she looks at me I think she knows and is trying to tell me something. Those eyes of hers can play some pretty mean tricks on a girl. I wonder… oh I wonder.

"Girls, this is the last of the stuff. Now let's get crackin on the unpackin!" Jason thinks he's some ultra cool LA guy, but in all reality I think he's from some place small in North Dakota. Nothing against people from there, but I honestly don't think he has any idea what a city guy should be like.

For the next hour we started unpacking Spencer's things. Trying to fit everything into our room was a nightmare, but worth it when Jason decided to go take care of the living room stuff.

"Wow! Hello moving day!" Kyla was trying to navigate herself through the boxes which recently turned out to be almost impossible.

"Hey Ky! We're in here."

"Ok Ash, I'll try to get back there in a minute. Hi, and you are?"

"Hey I'm Jason. Spencer is my girlfriend."

"Oh right, yeah, the boyfriend. Well you keep unpacking there and I'll see you later."

The unpacking finally finished after Kyla agreed to help and Jason fell asleep on the couch. I think it would have gone a lot quicker if he had slept the whole time, but what do I know. Spencer decided that it was necessary to wake Jason up for some dinner, but I politely declined on the invite to join them. Surprisingly it only took them about an hour to eat and return, thankfully Spencer came back Jason-less.

"Well girls, this is it." Spencer took a seat on the couch next to Kyla.

"Spencer I think this is going to be the start of a very happy friendship. What do ya say Ash?"

"I agree Kyla, a very happy friendship. Now who's up for some sleep? I'm exhausted."

Our first day of roommates is almost complete. Now comes the hard part of actually living with the girl that I'm more than a little obsessed with. What the hell was I thinking? Who can honestly think that this is going to go smoothly? But screw that it's time for bed and I'm not missing out on finding out if Spencer likes to chat before she falls asleep.

_Someone must have loved you  
Not the way that I do...  
You're missing what I'm trying to say  
Ain't nothing getting in my way – The Killers, Who let you go _


	12. Chapter 12

I just couldn't wait! And what's really crazy is that I work full time and am in the process of moving. I even think that I'm strange!

Don't worry about alone time between Spencer and Jason. It ain't happening folks!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 12: Staring Problem**

The first few weeks of living with Spencer have been amazing with a capital A. I never knew that I could actually love someone like this without being an actual couple. It started from the first full day of being "roomies", as Spencer likes to say. We have been virtually inseparable and borderline annoying. We talk every night before bed. I now know everything from her favorite color (pink) to her first real boyfriend (his name was ironically Ashton, I think its fate). And she knows most everything about me (purple) and (Matt), but she doesn't know the whole liking girls over guys' thing yet; I think that had better be saved for a few more conversations down the road. I have hinted at it, but haven't really said it yet. I did tell her about Lindsay, though. About how sad I was that we stopped being friends and how I thought we had a one of a kind connection. With all the talking and constant hanging out, Kyla might very likely hate us both, but I don't care. As long as I have my Spencer by my side I'm happy and I'm starting to think that she feels the same.

"Are you two going out again tonight?" I was talking to Alex on my cell while strolling around looking in shop windows.

"Well yeah, I found this really cool Thai restaurant that we're going to check out. Word is they have the best pad Thai this side of the Pacific… or something like that." That necklace would look so great on Spencer!

"Ok lover girl you need to cool it. Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes I'm listening. And aren't you the one that told me to be her friend? I'm just taking your advice here."

"I know I told you that, but being her friend does not mean spending every waking hour with her."

"I'm not with her right now am I?" I think I'm going to buy that necklace.

"That's because Spencer is at work. You do know what a job is, don't you?"

"Of course genius I know what a job is, but what is your point exactly?" I'm getting the necklace gift wrapped in shiny pink paper.

"I'm saying that you need to stop acting like she is already your girlfriend. You are her roommate, her friend. Let her have a little time with that guy so she can make up her mind."

"She spends plenty of time with ass face. I saw him just yesterday, matter of fact."

"Yup and that's because he came over for your movie night."

"Hey don't be bitter, you were invited too." Would a bow on top of the box be too much? Yes I think I'll pass on the bow.

"I'm not bitter Ashley, I just think you need to take a few steps back and regroup. How about you and I go to that Thai place? We can catch up and it will give you and Spencer a little space for more than ten minutes."

"Ok I guess you're right, but I was going to make it really special tonight."

"Oh god Ash, are you planning on telling her?"

At this point I decide that it might be better if I remain silent.

"Ok Ash you can't do that! It's way too soon. You need to trust me on this."

"Fine I won't tell her yet, but I can't wait too much longer. I think I'm in love with her Alex." And my heart won't stop beating a million miles a minute. I think I might have a stroke or an ulcer or something else stress related.

"I'm picking you up at 7 and don't think for one second about inviting Spencer. It's a no Spencer night."

"Fine, 7."

Alex got me thinking. Damn her. What if I am moving too fast with Spencer? I haven't actually told her how I feel or anything, but we do spend way more time together than I've ever spent with anyone else. Except for Lindsay, but we're not going to go there. I had better save the necklace for another time. It will still be special at a later date.

"So Ash I told Jason that I would spend tonight with him. Is that ok?"

"Of course Spence why wouldn't it?" I try really hard to be the ultra supportive friend; even though it's really hard when we share a bedroom.

"I don't know, I just love spending time with you and I know you usually have something planned. I don't want to ruin any plans you might have had." She is so sweet. No normal person would even think twice about the fact that there might be plans involved.

"Actually I'm having dinner with Alex. We are doing some catch up. What do you think you and Jason are going to do?" Oh no! Rephrase question quickly, don't want to know what you are going to do… eww!!

"Well I think this might be our last dinner together actually." What… the… fuck…

"You're kidding! What happened? You haven't told me anything about this." Try not to sound excited. Must be supportive.

"Ever since I moved here he has been all up tight. He hates that I don't spend every night with him and that I actually have friends. It just pisses me off that he won't be happy for me. I can't be with someone like that. If he doesn't like you and Kyla than I don't like him." Damn girl, you are some kind of strong.

"Wow Spencer, I don't know what to say. Can I do anything? Anything at all, you just let me know."

"You can keep your cell on just in case, but I think I'll be fine. It's not that big of a deal." Why is she down playing this so much?

"Not a big deal? Spencer of course it is! It would only not be a big deal if you didn't love him."

"Who ever said I love him?" She's doing that no eye contact thing again. Come on Spencer; give me something to work with here.

"I don't know… I kind of just assumed. I'm sorry?"

"Don't be sorry. I just don't love him; at least I haven't in a long time. My heart just hasn't been in it. But I think you understand that. You told me about Aiden." Well I told her the abbreviated version. Minus the whole part about figuring out that I wanted her and not him. I'll tell her later.

"Right, I know exactly what you mean. Your heart is what's most important here. Do what will make you happy Spence. I trust you on this one."

We hugged and Spencer left for her break up dinner. I could not be more excited, but sad at the same time. I can't believe she's felt this way and didn't tell me. What did she mean that she hasn't loved him for a long time? Could that time have started on the dance floor? Oh my god… what if it did?!

_My eyes are so rootless  
They wander, I follow  
I keep staring, I can't stop it  
I know I shouldn't  
But I can't stop it – No Doubt: Staring Problem_


	13. Chapter 13

Next chapter, enjoy!

**Chapter 13: Girl Like You**

"No I'm serious Alex. She literally said that she thinks this will be their last dinner together." Alex and I were eating dinner and discussing the new developments in my lifetime movie.

"I believe you, but I wouldn't be getting so excited. You don't know what is really going on there."

"So what do I do now? This is like a green light Al. I'm going for it." After about an hour I was feeling very confident.

"No Ashley. You can't just go for it right after she breaks up with her boyfriend. You know she loves him or at least she did. You need to be her friend right now. She is going to need your shoulder to cry on." Damn you Alex for bringing me back down to earth.

"I've been her friend this whole time! You have no idea how damn hard it is to live with her and just be her 'friend'. I wake up in the middle of the night and see her sleeping. I just can't keep doing this. You have no idea what it's like to live with a girl that you absolutely adore and not get to express it to her. I love her Alex and I need to do something about it. I need to tell her before I go insane. I could go seriously mental." Now I'm starting to get a little upset. Does she really think that I'm still going to sit back and be Spencer's special 'friend'?

"Ash, think about this, seriously. I know that you want to be with her, but what if she doesn't want to be with you? What if she just wants you to be her best friend? Think about that Ashley, do you really want to take a chance and possibly loose her all together?"

I have nothing else to say. I don't want to scare Spencer, but I need her to know how I feel. I need her to know that every time she smiles at me my heart melts. Every time she gives me a hug or does something small like leave me a good morning sticky note it makes me want to smile and cry all at the same time.

We ended our dinner in silence and started walking back to my apartment. The silence would have awkward between any two other people, but with Alex it was ok. She understood and even though I didn't want to admit it, I understood her too.

"Ok Ash, I know that you're mad at me right now and I understand why, but just think about what I said earlier. I love ya Ash. Take care of your own heart, ok?" I gave Alex a hug and told her that I loved her too. Even though I'm mad as hell I still love her. Why is it that she is always the one making me think?

It was still early, only 10, so I turned the TV on and waited for Spencer to come home. It must have been hours later that Spencer finally got in because I had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Ashley? Ash, are you asleep?" Half asleep I heard Spencer whispering over me. I tried to answer, but no words came out. I felt a warm body come up next to me and a blanket covering me. Spencer was cuddled up next to me, I could feel her breath against the back of my neck, but for some reason I just kept sleeping.

Sunlight was coming in the window as I opened my eyes. Spencer was still lying next to me on the couch and I could not help but smile. I turned to face her and my mind kept going back and forth on what to do next. I reached over and brushed her hair away from her eyes. She looked absolutely beautiful.

A minute later Spencer started opening her eyes. "Good morning sunshine." I smiled at her hoping that this is truly what she wanted, that this is my dream coming true.

"Is it really morning already?" Spencer's eyes were half open, but I could still see them sparkle.

"Sure is. Sleep well?"

"Yeah. Sorry about… this." She smiled but then quickly lost her smile and motioned to us lying together on the couch.

"Why are you sorry?" I brushed the hair away from her eyes that had fallen back down.

"Because I just crawled next to you and slept here. It's not something that you just normally do, you know?" She looked nervous so I needed to make her feel secure.

"Spence, I'm glad that you just came and laid next to me. I don't think that I've slept this well in a long time."

We were looking into each other's eyes, trying to come up with what to say next. Do I tell her that I think I love her or do I wait? Is she going to tell me she loves me or that she never wants to see me again? And then it happened.

"Ash I didn't break up with Jason last night." She is doing that whole not looking me in the eye thing again.

I go from elated to distraught in approximately 2 seconds. "What? Spence I thought you said it was time? What happened, tell me." I want to sound supportive here, but what do I do?

"I couldn't do it Ashley. I sat there at dinner and he kept telling me how much he loved me, how much our relationship meant to him. I just couldn't break him like that. He really is a great guy." I could tell that she was trying not to cry. I wiped a small tear from her cheek.

"I know Spencer. I know he's a great guy, but you have to do what is right for you. You told me yesterday that you don't love him anymore. He might still love you, but if you don't love him back then you have to let him go. If he truly is a great guy then he'll understand."

"I just don't know if I can be that strong Ash."

"What do you want Spencer? What is it in your heart that you want? Tell me and I'll help you get that."

Spencer looked me in the eyes for the first time in what felt like last 5 minutes. "I know what is going to make me happy Ashley." Spencer took her hand around the back of my hand and brought me closer to her. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before. Our foreheads were touching. I could feel Spencer moving closer to me. "I want you Ashley." Our lips touched. Electric sparks were flying throughout my entire body. The kiss lasted for what seemed like forever. I was in absolute heaven.

Then Spencer broke away from my lips. "Can you help me with that Ash?"

"I would love to Spence. I wouldn't have it any other way." I smiled and kissed her again. "But we really need to do something about that boy of yours. Otherwise I'm like your mistress!"

"You've been waiting for this, haven't you?" Spencer smirked at me like she has known my secret from day one.

"You've got me Spence. I've been waiting for this moment since the first day I met you."

"Then why didn't you tell me or just reach out and kiss me?"

"Are you kidding? If I only knew it was ok! I wanted to wait and make sure if was going to be mutual. I didn't want to just kiss you and risk you never speaking to me again. I would have rather kept you as a friend and never made a move than loose you."

"You aren't going to loose me Ash. I'm just going to need your help."

"Of course Spence. I will help you with anything you need. I'm here for you 200 percent."

We kissed again, this time a little more passionately, and agreed that we needed to get ready for the day. This day was going to be the best day ever. I don't think anything could make me happier than what I am right now. After Spencer left for a meeting I started planning our first official date together.

_I don't know what it's all about  
But I feel I'll soon find out; I'm sure, never felt this secure  
It's nothin' like I ever thought it would be  
Someone opened up a door for me- The Rascals: Girl like you_

Here's the deal guys, I love writing this because it helps me cope. I love to see that lots of people are reading, but I can't help but wonder what you think about the story. I would love it if you just drop me a review. This isn't one of those, "if you don't review than I'm not posting more", because it's not like that at all. I'm going to continue to post until my story is complete. I just want you to enjoy it as much as I do. Thanks, peace.


	14. Chapter 14

Just want to say thanks for the reviews, it really makes my day! I also wanted to acknowledge the fact that the Spashley thing happened really quickly. I know it was fast, but I just had to do it. I think that it reclaims Spencer's attitude from the beginning of the story that I lost half way through. So I got excited about and just kept writing, well typing actually, but here's the next chapter!

**Chapter 14: Hallelujah **

"Alex, answer your phone!! Come on don't go to voicemail."

I needed to call Alex and tell her what happened, but she wasn't answering. Excitement was flowing through my veins and I needed to talk to someone and it needed to be quick. I had to get out of the apartment that was teasing me with every passing moment and tell anyone who would listen that my hot roommate just kissed me! And let me just say that it was definitely not one of those kisses friends share, no it was much more. I decided to run, and I mean literally, down to the coffee shop to see if Alex was working.

Bursting through the door I caught Alex's eye behind the counter. "Easy tiger, what's the rush? Did you just see Justin Timberlake or something?" I still don't know why she thinks that's funny. It was just one time that I thought I saw Justin and freaked out. It wasn't him, but the guy looked a lot like him. It wasn't my fault.

"No! But I have amazing news! Like you are never going to believe me news." I plopped down on a stool with more intensity than the rest of the coffee patrons could handle. Everyone, yes everyone, was staring at me.

"Ok, so tell me what could have possibly happened to make you react like this? And please try to tone it down just a little. You're scaring people."

"Right, sorry, I'm just so excited I can't even believe it! Spencer kissed me!!"

"What?! You're lying. Did she really kiss you? Like kiss you kiss you, or was it one of those friendly kiss on the forehead deals?"

"No she's done that before, but this was a full out kiss. I'm serious Alex she wants to be with me! She said so when we woke up this morning. Oh and she totally slept next to me last night." My intensity is even starting to scare me a bit.

"Like she got in your bed?"

"No I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up she was there next to me, blanket and all. I can't believe that Spencer kissed me! This is so fucking amazing you have no idea." Alex suddenly looked very concerned and motioned to look behind me.

Oh god, it was Jason.

"What the hell did I just hear you say? Spencer did what exactly?" He looked pissed. Really pissed.

"Jason, look, it's not what you think."

"Not what I think? I just heard you say that Spencer kissed you. That seems pretty clear to me."

"Well yeah that is, but you have to talk to her about this, really. I don't how else to put it."

"Like hell. If you even think that she is going to be your little girlfriend you've got another thing coming to you. I should have never let her move in with you. I knew you were some kind of lesbian. I should have known you would do this to her." Jason kept pacing in front of me.

"Whoa buddy, you think I did this to Spencer? You can't just make someone like you. She did that on her own." I was now standing and was getting closer to Jason. I felt like punching him in the face for what he just said. Does he seriously believe all of these stereotypes?

"Ashley, maybe you should just get out of here. Don't start this into a big fight." Alex came around the bar as some sort of bouncer.

"No I think Ashley and I still have some things to deal with. You think I don't know about you people, huh?"

"Know about what people? People who love? Because I don't know what else you could be talking about."

"Forget it. I need to go get Spencer and make her explain this shit. I will see you later when I come to get Spencer's stuff from your apartment."

"What the hell? Spencer will move out only if she wants to. You can't force her to do that! And if you even think about laying a hand on her I will kick your ass. I promise you that."

"Yeah right." Jason turned and walked out of the shop. I was fired up, but couldn't help feeling scared.

"What if he tries to do something Alex?" Concern was my only emotion.

"Call her Ash. Make sure she knows what's going on so she doesn't get ambushed. But let her make her own decisions about this. She'll handle it the way she sees fit."

"Yeah sure. I thought he was better than that. He talks like I should have a huge L tattooed to my forehead or something. What a jackass."

Deciding that it would probably be best to talk in person I called Spencer and asked her to meet me back at the apartment. As I opened the apartment door I could hear two people talking. Luckily it was just Spencer and Kyla.

"Hey you two. Kyla do you mind giving me and Spencer a minute? I need to talk to her about something and it's kind of private."

"Oh yeah sure. Is something wrong? Because I'm always here to help you guys."

"Of course Ky, I know that. It's nothing to be concerned about; I just need to talk to Spencer about it."

"No problem, if you need me I'll be at the mall. Ciao."

"What's up Ash? You don't look so good." I sat down next to Spencer on the couch and tried to stay calm.

"Ok so I was a little too excited this morning after you left and I had to go talk to Alex. I hope that's ok, first of all, because I kind of told her what happened. Is that ok?"

"I guess so, but I don't even know fully what's going on so I wouldn't go telling everyone."

"Right, ok, but the thing is I was telling Alex and someone overheard. It was actually Jason. I'm so sorry Spence. I had no idea he walked in behind me."

Spencer just looked at me, stunned. I was searching for what could possibly be the right thing to say, but came up with nothing. I could have already blown this. My dream could potentially be over.

"Ash he knows?" She looks so worried.

"Yeah Spence. He knows."

"Oh god… what did he say?"

"You don't really want to know the full conversation on that one, but let's just say he isn't happy. I need you to be careful with him because I'm afraid of what he might do."

"Ash it's not like he would ever hurt me! Jason is a great guy, he really is. Of course he was mad if he heard you bragging about me kissing you."

"Spencer I know that he has been great to you in the past, but today he said some pretty bad stuff. He told me that he was going to make you move in with him because I made you like me."

"He wouldn't do that. He doesn't even believe that. Trust me."

"I do trust you, but you have to believe what he told me. He was scary Spencer. I need you to be careful when you see him; if you want to see him. It might be good if I came with you or something?" I don't mean to sound controlling, but I really am worried about her.

"I don't need you to come with me. Oh shit what am I going to do?"

She started crying and I held her tight. "It's going to be ok Spence, I promise. You just have to do what your heart tells you and I'll be here for you every step of the way." I kissed the top of her head and prayed that she'll be ok.

"Ash I don't know what to do. I just don't know."

Instead of answering her with words I held her face in my hands and kissed her gently. If anything I wanted her to feel comfort and know that I was going to be her support. I have no idea what is going to happen next, but I know that if she feels the same thing that I do in that kiss, then everything will work out.

_Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place  
if we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday  
if only time flew like a dove  
we gotta make it fly faster than I'm falling in love_

this time we're not giving up  
let's make it last forever  
screaming hallelujah  
we'll make it last forever- Paramore: Hallelujah 


	15. Chapter 15

Ok so I know that you guys don't read this to hear about my life, but I just have to share. So the whole Jason person is somewhat real, right, a girl that I thought I could start something with had a Jason. Now I just moved and I met this girl, not interested in her, but she has a Jason too! What is it with boys named Jason?! Seriously could this get any stranger?

That's all of my ranting for right now, but wow, I just had to share. I'm hoping to finish this story up fairly soon. Any ideas on how it should end? I'm up for suggestions! Oh and review? You have no idea how excited I get when I receive that email!

**Chapter 15: Better do better**

Spencer called Jason and asked to meet him later in the day. Luckily she agreed that it would be best to see him in a public location so he wouldn't do anything stupid. I know that she thinks he won't hurt her, but I'm just not that sure. I've known people in abusive relationships before and I have always felt so helpless. I wish Spencer would let me go with her, but she insists on putting on that strong front and doing it on her own.

"Hey Ash?" She looked at me with those sweet, concerned eyes that sink deep into me every time.

"What is it Spence?"

"I cheated on my boyfriend… I'm horrible. I never wanted to be that girl."

"Spencer you are not horrible! Don't you even dare think that, ok? You did what your heart told you to do. You told me that your heart wasn't in the relationship anymore. I know that by kissing me you did sort of cheat, but don't beat yourself up over it. Ok?"

"I know, but I still can't help feeling bad. I always thought that things would end up differently. You know?"

"Oh god do I know, Spence our lives don't always turn out the way we think they're going to. I never really told you the full story of Aiden and I, did I?"

"No you didn't. Will you tell me?" We were now huddled next to each other on the couch.

"Of course I will, but later. I don't want to make you late." I was running my fingers through her hair knowing that this could potentially be the worst conversation she will ever have.

"Alright then, we have a date for later. I want to hear everything. Now I guess I should get going." Spencer stood up from the couch and looked around for her bag.

"Spence you call me if you need anything ok? I know you want to do this yourself, but don't think that it will make you a weak person if you ask for help."

"I know Ash. I've got you on speed dial, number 1." She grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the couch, and smirked at me.

"Now you're telling jokes? Shoot Spence I don't know what to do with you!"

"Just kiss me and wish me luck, ok?"

I brought her into a tight hug and kissed her first on her cheek. "You'll be just fine Spence, I know it." Then I kissed her lips like I had done earlier, holding her face in my hands, letting her know that I will always be her support.

_(Momentarily need to switch over to Spencer.)_

"Hey Jase. Thanks for meeting me." Spencer walked up to the table Jason was sitting at outside of a local cafe.

"Ok Spencer let's hear it. I already know what happened so just tell me what the hell you were thinking." He looked so mean; this was not the Jason that I had grown to love.

"Jason, please don't be so cruel! Let me explain. Okay?"

"Fine, explain." Jason sat with his arms crossed over his chest. The most defensive pose a person can have.

"I met Ashley awhile ago, you know that. We were going through a rough time in our relationship and I was lost. Ashley was so nice to me and we really hit it off. At first it was nothing but just hanging out, like friends, but after awhile I began to have feelings for her. I know it sounds bad, but Jason I didn't know it was going to happen this way."

"Well you can't just fall for some random girl. I mean come on, you had me!"

"She isn't just some random girl Jason, she's my best friend. I knew the first time I danced with her that I could fall for her and I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. I'm sorry Jason."

"So you just cheat on me? What the hell is that about?"

"Jason I told you that I'm sorry. My heart hasn't been in this relationship for awhile now. And besides, it's not like you've never done anything to hurt me before."

"That was one time Spencer and it meant nothing."

"Ok so you can have drunken sex with some girl, but I can't kiss my best friend? Don't you think that's a little messed up?"

"I think it's messed up that you would want to kiss your best friend who happens to be a girl."

"Since when did you become so homophobic Jason? My god I can't believe you actually do think like that. Ashley was right; you aren't as great as I thought you were."

"Whatever Spencer, it's just wrong."

"There is nothing wrong with loving someone Jason. And I should have broken up with you sooner. I was so blind to think that you actually loved me."

"I do love you Spencer."

"No you don't Jase, you don't love me at all. Don't call me again, ok? I'm going home."

"Spencer, come on, you're not being serious!" Jason stood up looking defeated.

"Yes Jason, I am being serious. I don't know how much more clear I can make this. I'm breaking up with you and I don't want to hear from you again. End of story. And don't even think for a second that I would ever be with you again, don't call, don't come over. It's done, I'm with Ashley now."

"Right Spencer, ok, so you're dating a girl now. We'll see how long that lasts." He rolled his eyes and sat back down.

"You know for a guy that said he loves me and wants me to stay with him, you sure are acting like an ass. Goodbye Jason."

_Your face makes me want to be sick,  
ah yeah it's a physical reaction...  
You'd better leave because you see I  
Can't; won't be blamed for my actions.  
Oh, how I ever loved you...  
So dumb, how did I ever trust you? – Hard-Fi: Better do better _


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you all for the reviews! It truly makes my day just that much better. But don't think that I don't notice the rest of you that don't comment. I just want to know how I'm doing!

So I was thinking about it and this might be the end. I might throw in a bonus chapter if you're lucky! But I have been toying around with another story, potentially a continuation! What do ya think? Stick around and hopefully you'll like what comes next.

**Chapter 16: Heaven Here **

"Kyla she's been gone for over an hour. I should call her."

"Ashley, please would you just sit down and relax? Spencer can take care of herself." Kyla was trying to get me to watch some TV with her, but I couldn't focus on anything for more than 2 minutes.

"I know she can Ky, but I can't help worrying. What if she needs me?"

"If she needs you she'll call. Really. Now would you sit your ass down and watch Tila with me? We need to find out who gets booted off next!"

"This show is ridiculous Kyla. Honestly, does anyone really believe that you can fall in love on a reality show?"

"Oh yeah, says the girl that wanted to sign up to be the next bachelorette."

"Hey stop mocking me; I just wanted to be on TV."

"Whatever you say Ash, whatever you say. I hope she picks Brittany. I like her."

Just as I was going to start ranting about the unlikely probability of Tila picking anyone of substance, Spencer walked in the door. I leaped off the couch, nearly breaking a lamp, and ran to her. She just looked at me and smiled.

"Ash, it's just me and you now."

"Well don't forget Kyla, we still have her to deal with." Not the right time for jokes, Ashley, come on!

I was inching closer to her hoping that soon I would reach her lips.

"Shut up Ash we are so not bringing Kyla into this. No offense Kyla."

"Oh none taken. I'm gonna go to my room to finish up this wonderful marathon, so by all means enjoy the rest of the apartment. But please, try not to be too loud."

"Shove it Ky!" I turned around and gave her that look that only a best friend can give without making you think there is hatred in the air.

"Now what were you saying Spence?" Facing Spencer I put my arms around her waist and smiled wider than imaginable.

"I was saying that it's just the two of us now Ash. We don't have to deal with any freaky boyfriends or anything anymore."

"So does that mean it's ok if I ask you to be my official girlfriend now?"

"Only if you kiss me first!"

"My pleasure."

I kissed her more passionately than any of other kisses combined. The joy of knowing that Spencer was now mine was almost more than I could handle. Her hands were running through my hair and I pulled her closer into me. After what seemed like an eternity Spencer broke the kiss and pointed to our bedroom.

"Are you sure Spence?"

"Of course I'm sure; I've kind of been waiting for this since I moved in."

"You're not fucking serious! You mean to tell me that I could have been making out with you since day one?!"

"Yup, sorry Ash, but it's true. You look so hot in those little shorts you sleep in. It took all the will power I had to not jump in bed with you on the first night."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My Spencer had a crush on me since we moved in together. Here I was stressing out over telling her how I felt and she felt the same way the entire time!

"So um, Ash, can we?"

I grabbed Spencer's hand and led her to our room. As soon as we were inside I shut the door and looked at her. Her beauty is absolutely amazing. Clothes started hitting the floor and before I knew it we were on my bed. I was on top of Spencer and started kissing her all over her body. Let's just say that I knew this was exactly what I was supposed to do. The rest seemed to happen as if in a dream. All I could think was this was the most amazing experience of my life.

(_Later that night… sorry guys not so good with the graphic details, you can fill in the rest_)

Lying in my small twin size bed, Spencer was resting her head on my chest. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I needed to tell her how I really felt.

"Spence?" I whispered as though someone else might her.

"Hmm?"

"I think we need to buy a bigger bed. You wouldn't mind selling the two we have right now, would you?"

"No I think that's a great idea, but what did you really want to tell me?" She can already read me better than anyone I know.

"Well, I was going to say that I… I love you Spencer." I looked in her eyes wanting to show her how serious I was.

She looked back up at me, "I love you too, Ashley. I really love you."

"Hey stay right here, I have something for you." I gently got out of bed, now noticing that I was completely naked, to retrieve the necklace that I had bought for Spencer awhile ago.

"Oh don't leave me! I need you to keep me warm." She looked so damn adorable when she pouted.

"I'm hurrying babe, hold on." I crawled back into bed, box in hand. "I got this for you a little while ago. I saw it and thought of you. Would you open it?"

"Ash you shouldn't have done that." I put the box in her hand. She removed the special shiny pink paper that I had it gift wrapped in and opened the lid. "Oh my god Ashley, it's beautiful!"

"Just like you Spence. I want you to see it and know that I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever met. That diamond is nothing compared to you."

"Ash, thank you so much. I love it, I love you." I took the necklace out and put it around her neck. She looked absolutely stunning with it on.

"I love you Spencer. I should have told you so much sooner, but I was afraid that you wouldn't love me back. I didn't want to risk losing you."

"You aren't going to lose me Ash. You're stuck with me now!"

"Good, I wouldn't want it any other way. Now kiss me baby!" She grabbed me and kissed me deeper than I had expected. It was everything I had ever wanted, anything that I had ever needed. I had my Spencer now and nothing was going to stop us.

_We are still dreamers in our dead sleep, naked and tangled, twisted in love  
and tonight we are the only ones who feel it  
so let it last all night, so let it last all night  
let the fire surround us, let it all cave in, let it all burn wild  
we are leaving it all behind, we are leaving it all behind  
heaven is here – Dashboard Confessional: Heaven Here_

One more chapter? Yes or no!


	17. Chapter 17

Alright guys, you convinced me to continue with another chapter. But I'm pretty sure that this is going to be it. It's been a great run and I hope you come back for my next story!

**Chapter 17: Electric Feel **

"Well good morning you two. Decided to sleep a little late today, did we?"

"Oh stop it Kyla, you're making Spencer blush!"

"I am not Ash, besides I think you were the one that was way too tired to wake up."

"You might want to think twice about that statement Spence, because if I remember correctly you were the one who was completely exhausted!"

"Ok, ok I get it! You two are going to be way too much if I have to deal with this every morning."

"Sorry Kyla, I'll try to keep Ashley in line from now on."

I just stuck my tongue out at her and went to get something to eat from the kitchen. I don't know why, but I feel like a completely different person today. It could possibly be due to the fact that I finally have the girl of my dreams… or the fact that I had sex with Spencer… either one. I'm feeling light and carefree, like nothing could come close to stopping me.

"Ash, I'm starving! I thought you were going to get me some fruit?" Spencer was doing her pouty, pleading looking. She knows that I can't resist it and that kills me every time.

"Oh honey you are already plenty fruity. But I did bring you this apple." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went back to grab my bowl of cereal.

Kyla sat down on the smaller couch across from me and Spencer. "You know, I think it might be time for me to find my own place. Maybe I could find a trendy loft that I can decorate and call my own."

"What? Kyla no! I couldn't possibly live without you." I really don't want Kyla to move. She has been my best roomie for two years and best friend for much longer.

"I have loved living with you Ash and I'm so glad I got to live with you too Spencer. I love both of you so much, but I think now that you're together it might be better if we part ways. I will still be over all the time and we'll hang out so much! I just want you two to be able to be a real couple, you know without having to worry if the other roommate is home."

"I guess it's up to you Ky. But we can be a couple with you here, right Spence?"

"Of course we can. Kyla you don't have to move, really. We love that you're here with us!"

"Thank you both, but I really think I should start looking. It'll be great for all of us. But speaking of all of us, I told Alex that I would meet her for shopping. Do you two want to join?"

"What do ya think Spence? Shopping with your hot new girlfriend or staying home with you hot girlfriend?" My cockiness level is getting a little too high.

"Hmm… well I say we go shopping for now. We don't want to out do the staying at home just yet."

"Baby I've got plenty to show you at home, there would never be a chance that we could out do it." I winked at her and she playfully jabbed me in the rib cage. I could get used to this really quickly.

Little did I know that leaving to go to the mall would take another hour. Kyla and Spencer had to help each other pick out the best thing to wear followed by deciding what shoes went best with their chosen outfits. Kyla tried to get me involved, but I refused.

"I'm already dressed Kyla! I'm not trying on anything, now let's go."

"But Ash you don't want to look hot enough to impress?" Kyla stuck her head out of the bathroom.

"I only need to impress one person and I've already got her. Right Spence?"

"You better not be trying to impress anyone else! And I think you're gorgeous." Spencer walked over and sat on my lap. I took the opportunity to give a long overdue kiss.

"Yeah and this is exactly why I need to move. You two are never going to stop making out, are you?"

"Only long enough to eat and sleep a little, but otherwise no."

"Spencer, don't excite me so much!" She giggled and whispered in my ear, "Just wait till later!" I couldn't stop smiling and Kyla just looked disgusted.

"Alright let's move girls. Alex has been waiting long enough."

"Says the girl that tried on 5 pairs of jeans." I ran up behind Kyla and smacked her right on the ass.

"Shut up Ashley. And no ass grabs, you've got a girlfriend now."

We got over to Alex's place with little difficulty and started for the mall. The mall wasn't very busy seeing as it was the middle of the week and also 2 in the afternoon. Shopping with Kyla is always interesting because you get stuck buying things that you would have never normally chosen. At the first store I was forced to buy a new halter and accessories to match. Spencer seemed pleased so I didn't mind.

"Hey Ash, would you come with me to try this on? I want to make sure it looks good."

"Oh right, Spencer, sure I'll be right there." I smiled at Alex letting her know that it might be awhile and snuck off towards the fitting rooms.

"Who knew they would be this cheesy? You should have seen them this morning." Kyla was mindlessly flipping through the clearance basket.

"Oh come on Kyla, they're cute. They'll calm down after awhile you just have to give them time for that dorky stage."

I lightly knocked on the door of Spencer's changing room and went in. "That's hot babe! I think you should buy ten of them and fast." Spencer was actually not even dressed in anything, but still in your bra and jeans.

"Ashley, stop it! What do you think of these jeans though? I think they might be a little too tight."

"No way, they're perfect. Now did you have me come back here to just critique your jeans?" I stood there with my hands on my hips.

"Of course not." She reached out and grabbed me at the waist. We started making out and soon even I was only in a bra and jeans. After a few more minutes of insane making out I heard a knock on the door.

"Excuse me? Can I get you another size?" I don't know how long that girl was standing outside of that fitting room, but hopefully it hadn't been long.

"Um no, I think we're I mean, I'm fine. Thanks." Spencer looked at me as I was trying not to laugh. "Ok Ash, we had better get out of here."

"But I was just getting started!"

"Put on your shirt girl. There will always be other changing rooms."

I put my clothes back on and walked out of the room. The girl working there was standing at the end of the hall folding shirts. I smiled at her and waved. Spencer then walked out of the room and did the same. The look on that girls face was priceless. I wish I had a camera.

The four of us made our way through a dozen more stores and bought way too many clothes. One thing is for sure, I have more than enough shirts now that I might not have to do laundry for a good month or two. Just as we were passing the sporting goods store I noticed a familiar face.

"Oh god, it's Aiden. Please can we just go the other way?"

"What? Oh hey that guy is looking at you. Hey is that Aiden?"

"No shit Kyla that's what I just said!"

"I think it's too late Ash, let's just walk past and say hi if we need to." Spencer was holding my hand and ready for the challenge.

Aiden was approaching us and looked more confused than ever. "Hey Ash, girls, what's up?" He just noticed my hand intertwined with Spencer's, his eyes shot up at mine.

"Oh just doing some shopping. Aiden, this is my girlfriend, Spencer."

"Hi Aiden, nice to meet you." Spencer was smiling at him and actually held out her hand.

Aiden cautiously shook Spencer's hand. "Uh nice to meet you too? Ashley you never… um… wow."

"It's ok Aiden, there's no need for small talk. Just thought you would like to see who the love of my life is. Shall we go girls?" I took back Spencer's hand, kissed her, and we all walked off. I never knew how good that would actually feel. I know it's not good to try and get revenge on an ex, but I think he deserved it.

"Time to go home Ash?"

"Yeah, time to go home Spence."

_I said ooh girl  
shock me like an electric eel  
baby girl  
turn me on with your electric feel  
I said ooh girl  
shock me like an electric eel  
baby girl  
turn me on with your electric feel – MGMT: Electric Feel_


End file.
